Women Related queries about Dharma

Recently, One lady (Research Scholar of Indian Origin pursuing studies in USA), posed these two questions:

My Reply could probably be of some use to people in similar quandary. Please share this if, you deem relevant to someone.
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I am writing this email with two questions, which have very strongly been concerning me for a long time and to which I have hardly found any reliable or logically sensible answer. I hope you shall empathize the good intentions behind my asking these questions to you. While I understand you must be very busy, your reply will certainly be treated with much reverence and gratitude by me. The questions are as follows:

(a) Status of widows in society: Since my mother is a widow. she happens to face much ill treatment (both intentional and unintentional) by family and strangers alike. Hence, out of pain, I write to seek your opinion on several rules that are imposed on a widow- in terms of her attire, the activities she is allowed and not allowed do, etc. To what extent are these restrictions or allowances validated by Vedas and Shastras?

(b) Spiritual practice of menstruating women: Why is she labelled as 'impure' at this time and is it actually endorsed by the Vedas? To what extent is she permitted to do Sadhana during this time? 

 I understand that the above are sensitive issues and I am definitely sounding ignorant. But the fact that I am directly being affected as a woman because of the above and know of no one as scholarly yet approachable as you, makes me turn towards you for learning the truth. Please forgive if you think I have breached any line of conduct. 

Thank you for your understanding,

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My reply

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I appreciate your questions. I will attempt to answer them, from two perspectives:

1. Philosophical Background

2. Societal Obligations in the garb of Tradition.

Widow - Widowers

To conduct any Dharma Karyam in full strength (Both in letter and spirit), husband and wife are required. It is the essence of the marriage vow. Till death does us apart, we will be one in all the three purposes of Life namely Dharma, Artha and Kaama.

Once a person is bereaved by the spouse, the natural progression should be naturally towards the fourth and ultimate goal of life - MOKSHA.

In Moksha, no companion is required.

Within this frame conceived to liberate the soul from the bondage of life and death, the traditions evolved. The problem arises, when the survivor's mind is not prepared and evolved to renounce worldly connections and slowly march towards divinity.

In fact, the seclusion is same for man and woman. But the plight of a man hardly highlighted (as the significance of rituals is . He is barred from taking part in rituals, for the same reason as of the woman.

In fact, the rules of Sanyasi will be applicable to the survivor (man or woman). Hence, once the companion of life expires, one should start preparations towards the next stage of life if emancipation. Liberation is not possible, without desisting from activities. Thus, one should get slowly accustomed to tranquillity of wisdom and detachment. In other words this is Jnaana and Vairagya.

Menstrual Periods

This is a physiological problem related to women. Yajurveda lists three categories of beings, known for endurance. 1) Earth 2) Trees & 3) Women

When Vrutra Asura was slain by Indra, the blemish of Brahma Hatya was equitably distributed among the above three. The colour Red, is known for Blood signifying violence/ sacrifice.

(The concept is dealt in detail in my thesis and purport is corroborated.)

In Practice and spirit, heavy work outs are to be avoided. Menstruation is nothing but loss of body fluids, which weakens the body. (Even simple sweating causes loss of energy to some extent).  That is the crux of the argument. A woman known and used for continuous work hours, often extending to 19 - 20 hours a day/ night. She deserves at least three days of compulsory physical rest, during the course of periodical loss of body fluids.

Without a religious ban, normally woman tend to neglect their own welfare, as we observe in traditional society. Hence, this rule was framed, I suppose.

As related to Saadhana: only physical works including cooking, cleaning, washing are forbidden. Bathing is also optional.

However, this does not preclude the Adhyaatmika Saadhana. Highest Saadhana, always possible in/ by mind; can be practised by any one at any one, provided they have the right mind set, developed.

Hope that your doubts are answered to some extent.

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Her Response

Thank you very much for taking the time to reply in such an elaborate and coherent manner. Your explanation definitely connects the two perspectives very well, which until now had seemed to be diametrically opposites. On further rumination, some of my secondary questions have found some solace too. The way you provide positive and scientific context to the traditions definitely helps in appreciating these customs. You also provide some intellectual relief on some specific aspects that I bore in mind but didn't mention explicitly. Thank you.

I am also now going to abide by these customs more wholeheartedly and without much internal conflict. Sometimes, when rules are passed onto you with the rationale clearly mucked or blurred, it tends to elicit a negative spontaneous reaction towards them if your premise is reason. However, for these customs to have survived the test of time, I trust that there has to be an explanation or experience (depending on the rule in question) to appeal for many generations altogether. Thanks to your kindness and Appaji's grace. I am now at relatively more peace with myself, my surroundings and this construct as a whole. 

Thank you very much again for your response, it definitely moulded my perception of these aspects in the right direction.